Friends, dont think that i have chosen this topic to make people look at my blog. For quite some time this topic was in my mind but I did'nt find time to put up all my thoughts as words. Finally I found some time to do so. Points put up in this post are about certain people and not about everyone.
Through this post i am trying to nourish some thoughts about love in your mind. Some of our folks have some confusion about love and infatuation. If a guy saw a pretty girl and if he liked her. Suddenly he calls that as 'love' and start saying that he fell in love with her and vice versa. I dont understand the concept of love here. This attraction is purely due to the infatuation.
Love, its for the life time, not for time pass. Because 'Love is Divine'. People who are in love used to confess that, through love they got the best person in the earth to whom they can share their life. I think they didnt get the best, they just get the better person in the lot available for them. Love is certainly meant to understand the person whom we really think he/she is perfect match and also to get the perfect match.
According to me, love is a kind of sharing or the adjustment, also the feel in life experienced by the lovers. If a girl comes late by an hour to the meeting point for unwanted reason to meet her lover, then he will warn her not to repeat then she will adjust herself to maintain punctuality. If a guy used to booze when ever he is partying with friends, but if his lover doesnt like that. If he is a true lover he will quit drinking, this is also a kind of adjustment. If he cant quit because of the society that girl can accept him as a social drinker. Its a other kind of adjustment. Either of them should adjust because "Nobody is Perfect".
Its 100% true that love helps to eliminate castes and religions from the society. But "Every coin has two sides", so when we put up the points about love certainly we should discuss about arranged marriages also. Some people may even say that arranged marriages are crap and also they cant get the right life partner. They cant understand the person completely blah blah blah. I dont accept this point.
Right from our childhood our parents knew what is best for us. How will they do a mistake in choosing our life partner. I accept in some cases arranged marriage also fail. Also not all the love marriages are successful. You may think that searching a life partner for us may increase the burden on them but its a pleasure for them. If u choose a life partner you will look only one factor whether he/she suits you. But if your parents find for you they will look whether he/she suits your family and your life. Here comes the difference.
People who are in love can claim that, in arranged marriage we cant get to know the person very well. Who says so. Plan your marriage 5 - 6 months after the engagement and start to know the person. Love is not simply roaming and dating with the person whom we like. Its art of sharing and adjusting for them in our life. Even moulding according to them is also a part and parcel of love. Moreover its a feel on the person whome we love. Certainly its there in arranged marriage.
We came to know about the person for the first time. Obviously we liked that person thats why engagement happens also we are not forced to accept. Once we start our interaction we will come to know about the character, likes and dislikes of the particular person. If u start loving the person, sure you will start moulding ourself to suit their character and imaginations he/she have about the life partner.
I am not claiming that love is a not real. Really those who got to know their life partners and who are in love are lucky also those who didnt get anyone yet are very lucky. They are still a free bird. They can live their life in their own way and for their family. So if you didnt get any such person yet dont feel or dont waste your time in searching. Just wait, a wonderful arranged marriage is awaiting for you.
Those who are in love please proceed your marriage with your parents' permission. If they dont agree please convince them that you have found the right person.
Live and let live. Thanks for your patience in reading my blog. Your comments about the post are most welcome.
Through this post i am trying to nourish some thoughts about love in your mind. Some of our folks have some confusion about love and infatuation. If a guy saw a pretty girl and if he liked her. Suddenly he calls that as 'love' and start saying that he fell in love with her and vice versa. I dont understand the concept of love here. This attraction is purely due to the infatuation.
Love, its for the life time, not for time pass. Because 'Love is Divine'. People who are in love used to confess that, through love they got the best person in the earth to whom they can share their life. I think they didnt get the best, they just get the better person in the lot available for them. Love is certainly meant to understand the person whom we really think he/she is perfect match and also to get the perfect match.
According to me, love is a kind of sharing or the adjustment, also the feel in life experienced by the lovers. If a girl comes late by an hour to the meeting point for unwanted reason to meet her lover, then he will warn her not to repeat then she will adjust herself to maintain punctuality. If a guy used to booze when ever he is partying with friends, but if his lover doesnt like that. If he is a true lover he will quit drinking, this is also a kind of adjustment. If he cant quit because of the society that girl can accept him as a social drinker. Its a other kind of adjustment. Either of them should adjust because "Nobody is Perfect".
Its 100% true that love helps to eliminate castes and religions from the society. But "Every coin has two sides", so when we put up the points about love certainly we should discuss about arranged marriages also. Some people may even say that arranged marriages are crap and also they cant get the right life partner. They cant understand the person completely blah blah blah. I dont accept this point.
Right from our childhood our parents knew what is best for us. How will they do a mistake in choosing our life partner. I accept in some cases arranged marriage also fail. Also not all the love marriages are successful. You may think that searching a life partner for us may increase the burden on them but its a pleasure for them. If u choose a life partner you will look only one factor whether he/she suits you. But if your parents find for you they will look whether he/she suits your family and your life. Here comes the difference.
People who are in love can claim that, in arranged marriage we cant get to know the person very well. Who says so. Plan your marriage 5 - 6 months after the engagement and start to know the person. Love is not simply roaming and dating with the person whom we like. Its art of sharing and adjusting for them in our life. Even moulding according to them is also a part and parcel of love. Moreover its a feel on the person whome we love. Certainly its there in arranged marriage.
We came to know about the person for the first time. Obviously we liked that person thats why engagement happens also we are not forced to accept. Once we start our interaction we will come to know about the character, likes and dislikes of the particular person. If u start loving the person, sure you will start moulding ourself to suit their character and imaginations he/she have about the life partner.
I am not claiming that love is a not real. Really those who got to know their life partners and who are in love are lucky also those who didnt get anyone yet are very lucky. They are still a free bird. They can live their life in their own way and for their family. So if you didnt get any such person yet dont feel or dont waste your time in searching. Just wait, a wonderful arranged marriage is awaiting for you.
Those who are in love please proceed your marriage with your parents' permission. If they dont agree please convince them that you have found the right person.
Live and let live. Thanks for your patience in reading my blog. Your comments about the post are most welcome.
18 comments:
As u rightly said, marriage following love is not about the union of 2 persons but it is a union of 2 families. Hence, choose your life partner correctly. You can't expect everyone in your family to adapt to some change in culture and caste due to your mistake in selection... Its better to love the best person in your caste itself than to promote inter caste love and cause problems for both the families-Barath
The Old School Thought.
But nice one. In fact I agree to this.
>> Through this post i am trying to nourish some thoughts about love in your mind.
How do you know what's there in my mind?
>> If a guy used to booze when ever he is partying with friends, but if his lover doesnt like that.
What about, if his parents doen't like that?
>> You may think that searching a life partner for us may increase the burden on them but its a pleasure for them.
Nice point.
>> If u choose a life partner you will look only one factor whether he/she suits you.
Can't agree more. Now a days, guys think of family before choosing their love.
>> Its (Love) art of sharing and adjusting for them in our life.
Wrong definition. People give this for friendship too.
konjam manasuku aaruthala iruku machi.. :) "அவளுக்காக" la konjam doubt vandhuchu.. adhu intha blog la clear panneta JS.. - RS
experience speaks..romba anubavamo???
I agree.
Love is not about finding the perfect match. But about making your match perfect! :)
( and that involves lots of hard work, a mentality to adjust and accomodate etc)
One thing about arranged marriages though.
"Right from our childhood our parents knew what is best for us. How will they do a mistake in choosing our life partner.
Like they did not make a mistake in forcing all of us into engineering or medicine irrespective of our tastes?
What I'm trying to say is parents are also human beings who are more prone to act based on what society will think.
I'm not saying they make mistakes all the time. Just that most parents, in their efforts to appease society/relatives forget what their children actually want. Most arranged marriages work simply because of the binding institution of marriage. Of course that is also being proved wrong now a days as the increasing divorce rates would indicate.
I guess I'll have to agree to this. Love is all great when the going is good. But if something goes wrong you'll be blamed a lot of people.
Arranged marriage in that sense is a safe bet. :-)
Am sure, the author -Mr.Js is a free bird, the post shows that he is convincing himself with some logical(for him)reasons,that he is a free bird.
REading the post, I feel I ve to debate a lot wid JS.atleast for me to gain some knowledge from him.
First I dont agree to the point of adjustment.It should be understanding.
Take this point
"If a girl comes late by an hour to the meeting point for unwanted reason to meet her lover, then he will warn her not to repeat then she will adjust herself to maintain punctuality"
Come on man.. If she is your gal, how can it be unwanted reason?& if she says some reason,UNDERSTAND her situation. ur prob would be solved.
Sorry JS...can't keep quiet in this pt.
"If a guy used to booze when ever he is partying with friends, but if his lover doesnt like that. If he is a true lover he will quit drinking"
First tel me wat u mean true lover?is there anything false lover?If a gal says don't booze its not jus bcoz u might drain her money too in future.but,she cares for you,Guys, who underst her pt would stop.
"How will they do a mistake in choosing our life partner"
Its not intentionally done my friend.
Tel me frankly, how many of today's young guy/gals parents know them properly?(I dont wanna quest openly in this forum?Hope u got the pt)If they themselves cant know their children, how ll they find a gal/guy who is right for u?
"Plan your marriage 5 - 6 months after the engagement and start to know the person"
You dint like her after 6 mnths, wat would u do?
dat too u ve stated after engagement.
Dude! i guess, ur post is for Indians,yeh kaise chalega?
Am not claiming LOVE marraige is the Soln.
but.....
stil am a freeeeeeeeeee birddddddd as u....
thala pinniteenga.. But the problem s different in my case...
Nice Try!!! But again Love is not the life and life depends on love.. so 2 different things bonded to each other in different perspectives cannot be drawn in one argument - Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage??... Lots of other fact comes in to real view.
- Jagath
so cute unga marriage love/ arrranged marriage ya JS
i dont agree with u re :) love is perfect. u dont fall in love with an unknown person . only when u know the person u fall in love with him/her. when u r in love u can feel even the faintest of the words spoken a great feeling.. arranged marriage is like applying fevicol on 2 pieces. it may or may not work. the idea o f having an engagement then trying to know a person may not work. infact it may wreck the hopes of the families. iam currently writing a book on love . make sure u read that. i strongly like the way u think though, well i agree it varies from person to person just giving my perspective
@ all,,
thanks a lot for ur comments... i knew it can viewed it many ways.. i jus put a blog to get ur comments on it...
thanks for getting my view which i mentioned...
Abaaaaa
Ena da....Heights of diplomatism..........hehe...
Infact gud realistic thoughts....
nothing can be generalised JS ! As you said, life is all about adjusting and adapting and whether love/arranged it depends on the people to make it successful. and now a days, parents are also very understanding.. all they want is our happiness and the fact that our selection should be gud for the family too. Mine is a love marriage and though my parents had lots of questions in their mind 2 years before when i told them , now they are happy. Once you make the choice, its all you !and its in our hands to convince others not just by words but by our deeds.. Arranged marriages are also gaining appreciation now a days as bride and groom have enough time to understand each other ..
i accept ur point i jus put up normally... tats y i insisted it depends on ourself ..it will be the final call....
Thanks for ur comments ka...
good post!!
But, i dnt agree love is all bot adjustments or understanding..love is just about..well..love...
when u insanely love sme1, u dnt hav to understand, u just know..
bt, such love is quite rare to find, n u'll have to adjust in "love" as in ny other relation..So, my point is, if u cant find guy/girl like dis, whom u just cant help but love n loving him/her is just d most natural n easiest thg u hav done..well then, arranged marriage is better..'cos nyways, u hav to adjust, so better adjust to d one ur parents find for u..'cos thn, if sthg goes wrong, u can always say d decision was nt urs!!!:P
good post nyways..
u cant say arranged is best simply becoz we dont want to take it in our head...wat ever u see its all abt how u keep gng in it... finally word "adjustment" will come into our plate.... tats wat i m trying to... its all about a person...
btw thanks a lot for ur comment :)
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